so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Yo dont text me then not text me
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
