Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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