I just threw up on my dentist
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
