Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
