I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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