well you can't waste a boner
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
