i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
