What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
The ass gains better be worth it
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