just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
