i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
