dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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