I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
