I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
