You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
