He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
worst night to have a conscience
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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