hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
