Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
