You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
