Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
