My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
