now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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