I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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