Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
