you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Actions speak louder than pants.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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