Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
