your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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