Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
