OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize