I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
