I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
the raccoons are back...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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