i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
you made out with another girl for some wings
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
