I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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