there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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