The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
