girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
