I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
