Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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