I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
