Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
