I didn't shave. On purpose
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
