Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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