I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
