Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
