I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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