you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
