Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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