Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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