I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
