So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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