with your own penis?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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