we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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