Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
