Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
that is very illegal...i love you.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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