I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
