Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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