Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Randomize