well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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