were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
