He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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