I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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