I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize