Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
