"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
