What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
