just tell him i said nine months
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
