Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
