maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
