thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
